In light of recent events, I feel like I've learned some important lessons:

1. The Lord will always answer your prayers. More often than not, in ways that you didn't expect. And the answer to your prayer may be the answer to someone else's completely different, but equally important one.

2. Be aware of your emotions. What you are feeling at any given moment. Recognize it and embrace it. If it is negative, embrace it only long enough to let it go. Don't deny anything that you may be feeling. Every emotion is an important part of learning about the very essence of yourself.

3. Along with the previous one, do not force an emotion upon yourself. In the wise words of Baron Baptiste, doing so would be like "forcing a rose to blossom". It's ok to have days full of sorrow, if we never reached the depths of sadness we would never soar to the very heights of joy and happiness.

4. People are beautiful and recognizing that beauty and passion in others will help you to find those things in yourself.

5. God knows what He's doing.

6. It doesn't matter if going out of your comfort zone seems small compared to what other people have done outside of their comfort zones. You are not other people.

7. Have a passion. Experience something so beautiful and amazing that you cannot possibly even begin to describe it to someone else.

8. Like the famous (or infamous?) song says...say what you need to say. Whether or not you use words to say it. Communicate with those you love. Very few things will bring you greater peace of mind. Do not worry about whether or not they will accept you. "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

9. Tell those who you love, that you do indeed love them. Tell them as frequently as possible. Even if you may not be in a loving frame of mind. You know that you still love them and it is important to remember that.

10. To quote some incredible people in my life, "sing your own song". We each have our own song to sing and we cannot change the pure melody of what it is. The key or the dynamics may change, but the melody is unfailing. If part of your song is being super emotional, then by golly sing it! If you need to occasionally listen to Taylor Swift and old Jesse McCartney then do! If marathons pull at your heartstrings then run for as long as you feel pulled. You are who you are and you need what you need. Don't try to change your song for anybody.

Sometimes all we need is a little reminder that we matter. And that what we do matters.

I had one of those reminders today- as I went out for a 6:45 run this morning.

I went out a little distressed and confused. For the last [almost] two years of my life, I've been trying to figure out what I want to do for, well, the rest of my life! [A predicament that I'm sure many of you have been/are/will be stuck in]

I know the type of person who I would like to be. And the process of being the person I want to become has been so rewarding.

But it's time that I uncover hidden, dusty parts of myself that haven't yet been manifest to the world.

How can I influence others, and my future family? What path should I take?

I know what I love to do: run. Surprise.

But I just feel like there's something about me that I don't know yet. Something that Heavenly Father knows and is just waiting patiently for me to discover.

How can I discover it?

Back to the run.

I guess the answer came when I stopped at the temple and watched the sunrise from the grounds.

Breathtaking.

And I didn't get an answer to what I should do-

but I got an answer of comfort that I will find out, and if I keep doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and at least make starts along new paths [leaps into the dark, but not blindly], then I'll be ok.

That word, ok, feels so good in my mouth right now.

I'll be ok.

My life will be ok. And not only ok, but amazing. Awe-inspiring. Beautiful. Divine.

I matter. And I know that I matter.

And that's all there really is to it.

“This hill though high I covent ascend;
The difficulty will not me offend;
For I perceive the way of life lies here.
Come, pluck up, heart; let's neither faint nor fear. ”
― John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's Progress

a little dedication post. and stuff.

My Dearest Roommate,

Right now you are probably far away to the east. I just wanted you to know how much I love you. I feel like I've been slacking as a friend lately and for that I am sorry. It seems that I've found something great! And I thank my Father in Heaven for that. And you, Rel. You taught me that I could pray for what my heart truly desired. You taught me how to let someone come into my life and have to work because I want them with me always. I am so grateful for everything that you are and will become, because you have changed me for good.

You've taught me how to come to know myself. I feel things so deeply, and that always scared me and I didn't know what to do. So I stifled myself. But you've taught me (and I'm still in the process of learning) to understand and recognize what I'm feeling in a particular moment and to embrace it. I know how to talk to myself.

You are so beautiful! You get more beautiful every day in my eyes. Your very essence shines through everything you do. Right now your life seems to be revolving around the cello more than ever before. There is no other instrument that is so perfect for you! Like you are an instrument in the Lord's hands, the cello is helping you to work miracles. You have worked so hard for your whole life, and it is, and will continue to pay off. I know this because I've seen it in your struggles and triumphs. In your life. I've heard it in the many beautiful, tearful, ecstatic, thoughtful, questioning, words that you've said to me.

I know that you are going to do incredible things on this little trip that is but a tiny part of your magnificent life.

I could go on for pages, forever, about the things you've taught me. But I do not have time and space sufficient enough. But, know that everything is inscribed on my heart.

I love you so much!

I think it's been a little while...oh dear.
The thing is, I have so much to say- but no way to say it. Which is a tad bit frustrating.
Ah well.
I ran a race last Saturday- an 11 mile race climbing up 3500' and then back down.
It was originally a 28 mile race (which I wasn't going to run per lack of preparation), but because of snow safety issues, it was dramatically cut down to 11.
With 11 miles, fear of death was no longer a factor. So I ran it.
Hiking.
Trudging through miles of snow.
Bloody knees.
Running alongside ultra-runners.
I finally realized that I can.
I can do hard things- and I will always, always, love it when I'm done.
Comparison never gets me anywhere.
An incredible breakthrough moment materialized when I realized that I am who I've wanted to become for so long.
Progress has not stopped, but satisfaction is grasped and held.
For so long I was afraid to be defined by what I do. [run]
For fear that one day it wouldn't be there and I would be lost.
But now I embrace it! It's made me who I am. And even if my legs fall off, I'll still consider myself a runner.
I don't care if that's all you know about me.
Because my Heavenly Father and I know that I have been given this gift and desire for a reason.
Many reasons actually.
My name is Jamie, and I love to run.

try easy

i firmly believe that taking care of my body physically increases my spiritual and emotional stamina.
today i concluded my week with 48 miles.
i haven't done that since before the top of utah marathon last september!
i'm feeling pretty good. sore- but fantastic.
it's really an incredible thing what your body can do. don't think about how hard it might be.
don't try hard, try easy. it's not always as complicated as you might make it out to be in your mind.
be smart of course, but don't be too logical.
i can't believe how good i feel. life is incredible. my heart might burst through my chest for how full it is.
ironic really that i've been running in a quaint little town called providence this week.
for i've seen the providence of the Lord in every tree, leaf, and pebble.

what are the tender mercies that you've seen in your life this week?