Sometimes all we need is a little reminder that we matter. And that what we do matters.

I had one of those reminders today- as I went out for a 6:45 run this morning.

I went out a little distressed and confused. For the last [almost] two years of my life, I've been trying to figure out what I want to do for, well, the rest of my life! [A predicament that I'm sure many of you have been/are/will be stuck in]

I know the type of person who I would like to be. And the process of being the person I want to become has been so rewarding.

But it's time that I uncover hidden, dusty parts of myself that haven't yet been manifest to the world.

How can I influence others, and my future family? What path should I take?

I know what I love to do: run. Surprise.

But I just feel like there's something about me that I don't know yet. Something that Heavenly Father knows and is just waiting patiently for me to discover.

How can I discover it?

Back to the run.

I guess the answer came when I stopped at the temple and watched the sunrise from the grounds.

Breathtaking.

And I didn't get an answer to what I should do-

but I got an answer of comfort that I will find out, and if I keep doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and at least make starts along new paths [leaps into the dark, but not blindly], then I'll be ok.

That word, ok, feels so good in my mouth right now.

I'll be ok.

My life will be ok. And not only ok, but amazing. Awe-inspiring. Beautiful. Divine.

I matter. And I know that I matter.

And that's all there really is to it.

“This hill though high I covent ascend;
The difficulty will not me offend;
For I perceive the way of life lies here.
Come, pluck up, heart; let's neither faint nor fear. ”
― John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's Progress

there are times when you need to do what you need to do. doing what has to be done so that you no longer feel like a big bird in a too small cage. longing to sing but not knowing where to find the source of such internal music.

words cannot describe the fantastic feeling of first, uncomfortably finding a way to push out of the cage, and then finally breaking free. becoming instead a very small bird with the whole world at it's wingtips.

some may look at the cage and scoff saying "sometimes awful things must be endured" and i will agree and say "yes. only if these awful things will conclude in sweet nourishment for the bird".

"Trust thyself- every heart vibrates to that iron string."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Endless

Oftentimes I gaze at the lives of others and compare them to my own.

Perhaps not such an uncommon pastime.

I am inspired, awed, motivated and comforted by their:

experiences, insights, accomplishments.

Oftentimes I feel:

inferior, unaccomplished, directionless.

Perhaps not such uncommon feelings.

Will I ever do?

What it is that I want to do?

For days I'll be on the right path-

only to slip up and feel like I'm right back at the beginning.

Habits I think have been vanquished reappear.

I need only to step back and realize:

“We all want progress. But if you're on the wrong road,

progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road;

in that case, the man who turns back soonest-

is the most progressive.” -C.S. Lewis

I do that.

I get stuck– swirling and frustrated.

But I always make it back to the right.

What comfort this brings.

Small and simple things.

I find excitement in wondering-

what will be my great things?

---

LOTR

I'm a nerd for many things.

But Lord of the Rings takes the cake.

Granted, I didn't dress up for the premiere's– and I'm not planning on naming any of my children after characters.

But it's the symbolism throughout the story that just gets me. Sort of like the Chronicles of Narnia (actually just like them).

I'm not going to take the time to explain everything. Just watch/read the saga for yourself.

Here's a little Samwise to get you choked up.