Thursday, February 23, 2012

Sometimes all we need is a little reminder that we matter. And that what we do matters.
I had one of those reminders today- as I went out for a 6:45 run this morning.

I went out a little distressed and confused. For the last [almost] two years of my life, I've been trying to figure out what I want to do for, well, the rest of my life! [A predicament that I'm sure many of you have been/are/will be stuck in]
I know the type of person who I would like to be. And the process of being the person I want to become has been so rewarding.
But it's time that I uncover hidden, dusty parts of myself that haven't yet been manifest to the world.
How can I influence others, and my future family? What path should I take?
I know what I love to do: run. Surprise.
But I just feel like there's something about me that I don't know yet. Something that Heavenly Father knows and is just waiting patiently for me to discover.
How can I discover it?

Back to the run.
I guess the answer came when I stopped at the temple and watched the sunrise from the grounds.
And I didn't get an answer to what I should do-
but I got an answer of comfort that I will find out, and if I keep doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and at least make starts along new paths [leaps into the dark, but not blindly], then I'll be ok.
That word, ok, feels so good in my mouth right now.
I'll be ok.
My life will be ok. And not only ok, but amazing. Awe-inspiring. Beautiful. Divine.
I matter. And I know that I matter.
And that's all there really is to it.

“This hill though high I covent ascend;
The difficulty will not me offend;
For I perceive the way of life lies here.
Come, pluck up, heart; let's neither faint nor fear. ”
John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's Progress

Thursday, February 16, 2012

a little dedication post. and stuff.

My Dearest Roommate,
Right now you are probably far away to the east. I just wanted you to know how much I love you. I feel like I've been slacking as a friend lately and for that I am sorry. It seems that I've found something great! And I thank my Father in Heaven for that. And you, Rel. You taught me that I could pray for what my heart truly desired. You taught me how to let someone come into my life and have to work because I want them with me always. I am so grateful for everything that you are and will become, because you have changed me for good.
You've taught me how to come to know myself. I feel things so deeply, and that always scared me and I didn't know what to do. So I stifled myself. But you've taught me (and I'm still in the process of learning) to understand and recognize what I'm feeling in a particular moment and to embrace it. I know how to talk to myself.
You are so beautiful! You get more beautiful every day in my eyes. Your very essence shines through everything you do. Right now your life seems to be revolving around the cello more than ever before. There is no other instrument that is so perfect for you! Like you are an instrument in the Lord's hands, the cello is helping you to work miracles. You have worked so hard for your whole life, and it is, and will continue to pay off. I know this because I've seen it in your struggles and triumphs. In your life. I've heard it in the many beautiful, tearful, ecstatic, thoughtful, questioning, words that you've said to me.
I know that you are going to do incredible things on this little trip that is but a tiny part of your magnificent life.
I could go on for pages, forever, about the things you've taught me. But I do not have time and space sufficient enough. But, know that everything is inscribed on my heart.
I love you so much!